Don’t wear so much… you’ll just spoil them, and then you won’t be able to put them down… It’s almost certain that every babywearer (and babywearing dad) has encountered this remark at least once during their babywearing “career.” If you can’t say this about yourself (yet), then you’re among the lucky ones. Well, the good news is that relatively few parents carry their child in a carrier – or even just in their arms – to their high school graduation.

For the sake of safety, let’s examine the above statement, namely whether we really “spoil” our children by wearing them a lot, by spending a lot of time in close contact.

A newly minted parent is bombarded with stimuli from all directions, and the environment tends to provide unsolicited advice, intentionally or unintentionally. During this extremely sensitive period, we are much more likely to become uncertain and to ponder not only generally well-intentioned but also inappropriate remarks. In most topics, we receive not just one piece of advice, as opinions from both laypeople and experts are divided on many issues. Just think about it… If you lay your baby on its stomach, it sleeps more soundly – but only lying on its back is truly safe… Don’t give it a pacifier – give it a pacifier… My child already slept through the night at this age, all you have to do is… And we could go on endlessly. It’s very difficult to sift through the information at this time and select those that truly serve our best interests. Therefore, it’s worth examining some research.

Baildam and colleagues conducted an experiment on 174 newborns (and their parents). The study divided the time spent with the child into 3 parts:

•   meeting physical needs (diapering, bathing, feeding),
•   comforting the crying or sleeping child,
•   playing and any interaction with the child different from the first two categories.

Then, the children were subjected to various comparative and control tests at 6, 13, 26, and 52 weeks of age. During this time, the time spent on physical needs and comforting significantly decreased, while the time spent on playing and other interactions increased. The study showed that fathers spent significantly less time meeting the child’s physical needs and comforting, and primarily engaged in play activities. Furthermore, the quantity of comforting was correlated with the number of cries registered by the parents (i.e., they only picked up the child when it cried). Interestingly, the results also showed that children with higher birth weights were comforted more in the first six weeks, and fathers also held them more frequently.

The researchers explained this by the fact that parents perceive smaller babies as more fragile, so they handle them with more concern, consequently resulting in less frequent handling. The results also indicated that newborns cried for a shorter time if parents responded promptly to the crying.

Hunziker and Barr’s 1986 study showed that infants who spend more time in physical contact cry less, especially in the first 3 months, also known as the fourth trimester. Tracy and Ainsworth (1981) found in their study that securely attached infants were comforted more by their parents on average than those characterized by anxious attachment. It is also important to note that children who have secure attachment are more likely to play well on their own later on because they will know that their parents won’t leave them even if they are out of sight. Around the age of one, when they can physically move away from their parents (learn to crawl, then walk), they start to explore the world around them, become increasingly curious, and during this period, the “babywearing strike” is likely to set in, as they now want to explore everything on their own instead of relying on their parents’ protective closeness.

But if this is the case, why does it seem from the outside that children who are worn a lot, raised responsively, cling much more to their parents? Because that’s exactly how it is. Children are extremely adaptable and can tune in to those around them very quickly. Therefore, if their parents are reluctant to pick them up, if they don’t comfort them when they cry, then they learn that it’s not worth shedding tears, that it’s pointless to raise their arms because they won’t be comforted, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t need comforting or consolation. They need these the most: the results consistently prove that frequent comforting and being kept close in infancy not only do not lead to “spoiling,” but rather make them more suitable for later independent life by allowing them to feel secure in the protective closeness of their parents during the earliest and extremely significant period of their lives. Not comforting the infant leaves a mark on the genes.

Krisztina Tóth-Ugyonka

Behavior Analyst, Psychology Student

Source: Baildam, E. M., Hillier, V. F., Menon, S., Bannister, R. P., Bamford, F. N., Moore, W. M. O., and Ward, B. S. (2000). Attention to infants in the first year. Child: Care, Health and Development, 26:199–216.