I have been learning about attachment parenting for a few years now. And I am quite a promoter of gentle parenting techniques. While I only had one child many people told me that „doing attachment parenting” is probably possible with one but it is not possible with two or more children.

I have been thinking a lot how to tackle this and I realised only years later that I am not able to answer the question: „how to be an attachment parent once you have more children?” because the question itself does not make sense.

Until I had only one child, I had always said that „I don’t know, I will figure it out”. Now that I have two children I realised there is nothing to figure out.

So, you want to know how to ’attachment parent’ two or more children, I get it. What you don’t get is that attachment parenting is not a woodoo ceremony that you can only do with one doll at a time.

Attachment parenting does not mean that you must ’do’ anything differently or anything more.

What attachment parenting means is that you respond to your child’s needs in a way that it nurtures your relationship and your child’s self-esteem.

Attachment parenting is responsive parenting. It is respectful, trusting, gentle and peaceful. Dr. Sears recommends tools, indeed. But those tools like babywearing or breastfeeding will not make you an attachment parent. Just because you bottle feed your baby, he will not love you less. I carried my first son more or less all the time in his first 2 years, he literally lived in the sling. This was what he needed. At age three we still co-sleep, he often wants to be rocked to sleep. My second baby, in the other hand, wants to sleep put down. He is in the sling at home and when it is practical but as soon as he is awake, he wants to be out. My first baby was very sensitive already at young age and got overwhelmed during the day and nothing could comfort him in his tiredness.

Without a sling I cannot imagine how much worse it could have been. And when he did not want to be carried any more, it was done. When he chose to go to preschool, I let him leave me. I did not want to. He was ready. I planned to home educate him. He had different plans and needs.

I trusted him and followed his lead. This is attachment parenting.

Trusting your child means that you leave him with his own choices as long as they are safe enough.

Talking to your child respectfully means that you do not belittle anything he says.

Attachment parenting is an attitude. It is a lifestyle. It is a parenting approach. It is part of the parents’ personality.

So, why wouldn’t it be possible with two children or more?

I am respectful with every single person I meet. Including my family and my children. Does not matter how many children I have. I can validate their emotions, I am able to let them decide when they feel comfortable with going nappy free or I am happy with their choices if they are good for them. Also, when they are hurt, I comfort them. I believe when they say it is sore. It hurts. Their knees, their fingers, the hairwash, their tummies or their souls. When they are afraid, I say, it is OK, I used to be scared, too.

When they really want me to drive them and not daddy, I accept that and I cuddle them and let them know how much I wanted to drive them myself. I say sorry.

I ask for forgiveness from my three-year-old when I make a mistake or I say or do anything that is not acceptable.

Does not matter how many people live around me. I will nurture, love and accept them. I love them the way they are. This is attachment parenting.

About The Author: Mariann Hornyak

Mariann Hornyák is mother of Ben and wife to Endre. She lives in the East Midlands in the UK but her babywearing journey started in Hungary, when the little boy was born in 2012. She discovered ways of carrying babies when she worked in Africa in 2010. The simplicity and the way how the children are involved with everything around the family amazed her and she was certain this is how naturally she wants to bond with her own baby. She learnt about slings from babywearing friends who all recommended the Liliputi stretchy wrap as a first wrap with a new baby. This is how Mariann has fallen in love with the Liliputi style. She has explored a little bit further and she tried and used about houndred different baby slings and carriers in the past few years. She has great connection with several wrap manufacturers and carrier makers so she can share information, updates and news from first hand. Mariann launched her own business in April 2013 after realizing that she almost works full time as a volunteer babywearing consultant, however, she completed the course of Babywearing Consultant by Slingababy and also accredited to level 3 by School of Babywearing. Beside running the Baby in Sling Babywearing Consultancy, Mariann writes articles in Hungarian and in English to help mothers find their inner voice, to show parents more options and to give them tools to parent in the way how they really want. She facilitates an attachment parenting group with regular meetings and events, the group is affiliated with the Attachment Parenting UK and has about 170 members. In her previous life Mariann worked for the Food and Agriculture Organisation of the United Nations and also had experience in the for-profit sector. She is educated to Master Degree level, her first degree is International Relation, Foreign Affairs and Security Policy, her MSc is International Economics. She started to prepare for her PhD in Counter Terrorism when she got sidetracked by her new baby. Ben is now 2 years old and he really wants to go to nursery. His chosen place is on a farm in the middle of a forest, so this might mean that Mariann will return to work full time. But she will always remain an author, a writer and a sling consultant for anyone who needs reassurance and some support.