“And when will that feeding routine finally be established?” “She will have tummy troubles from too much feeding!” “You don’t have time for yourself and your husband. Your marriage will fall apart.”

A mother who opts for breastfeeding on demand can call herself lucky if she is not badgered  now and then with these kind of comments. Of course, everyone wants the best for the baby. But what is best for her?

Breastfeeding in ssc

Breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, babywearing – each of the triad of attachment parenting (and especially the three methods unitedly) rubs several people the wrong way. Why are they so strongly afflicted that they enter a deadly serious argument, nonetheless not their child is concerned? The reason is, when they were young mothers, they had to do exactly the opposite, and now they should admit that it was not exactly ideal for the baby. Because they panic to the thought that the adult might loose control over the child. Because they have been saying the opposite for thirty years, and it is not easy to understand that they provided false information to plenty of parents. There may be further reasons for an aversive attitude, but it has only one consequence: it makes the mother doubt if she is doing the right thing.

Trust versus Mistrust

Breastfeeding in ring sling

The most important question is whether you want to shape your child, or to get to know her, and support her in fully using her potentials. Do you want cooperation or control? Trust or mistrust? It is not the only problem with babies left to cry and fed on a schedule that they are hungry and then they eat too much. This may be the lesser problem, although, its connection to future eating disorders is worth considering. The real problem is what a newborn learns about the world and her relationships. If she is fed by the clock without regard for what she needs, the baby learns that her feelings and signs have no correlation to the fact if she is being taken care of. She slowly but surely gives up honest communication, and accepts that she has no control over happenings around her, everything is arbitrary. Nothing to grasp. A baby has no clock neither a sense of time.

She is living in the moment and goes through hunger and neglect with her whole body and soul. She does not understand that she has to wait only half an hour more, neither knows the concept of patience. She only perceives that the present experience is very uncomfortable, and feels that she will never get out of it. She learns that her needs are not taken care of, which can lead to many later complications.

In the wake of a misunderstanding

How does one get from feeding the baby any time he demands to worrying about putting him on the breast more often than every three hours, thinking it is unnatural. By regarding breast milk as solely nourishment. You might think that the baby wants to suck only if he is hungry again, that is, if he has digested everything from the previous feeding, and that takes three hours according to calculations. In the olden days, no one thought about how much an infant ate, how much he was supposed to eat, how long digestion took, if demanding the breast is justifiable. Breastfeeding used to be considered not only nourishment, but consolation, refuge and sedative, as well. Soothers serve this purpose nowadays.

If you put a dummy into your baby’s mouth, you will never consider, when you gave it to him the last time, if enough time passed between the previous time and now. When you lean against your partner, he never glances on the clock, checking if you have the right to express your cuddly need. If you believe that breastfeeding satisfies your baby’s emotional needs beside his hunger, you will never look at the time. You will listen to your baby instead, and give him whatever he needs. This way you will help him build secure attachments and strengthen his trust.

About The Author: Judit Szody

After I graduated from secondary school I wasn't accepted to university, so I had to work for a year. I was very lucky that destiny threw me in at the deep end: I was employed in a child psychiatry, where children from the age of four to eighteen with serious psychiatric problems were treated. I learnt there, that I am able to sympathize with those seeking help, and accept their differences. I enrolled to university next year, and finally graduated as a psychologist. During my study years, I gave birth to my three sons, who provided me with practical experience. While I was writing my thesis, I made interviews with eighty mothers about childbirth and breastfeeding. I became convinced that not the mother herself, rather the proper breastfeeding method, as well as the help and emotional support provided for breastfeeding is responsible for breastfeeding to last as long as it is good for the mother and the child. I was working as a journalist while I was on maternity leave. My steady topics were – and still are – pregnancy and the first years after birth: parent-child relationship, upbringing and breastfeeding. I joined the Hungarian Association for Breastfeeding, where I have the opportunity to work together with experienced professionals, I have access to the latest technical literature, and I can participate in conferences abroad. Within the framework of MÉRCE association, I worked in the project that surveyed the obstetrical wards in Hungary. Our work resulted in publishing two instalments of Guide to Childbirth (later the title Where is the best place to give birth? while I was working for Sanoma Publisher,) which has helped thousands of families to get a line on advice regarding childbirth, obstetrics practices and events surrounding delivery (psychological changes, breastfeeding etc.) My daughter, who was born in 1999, enjoyed the fruits of my experience and knowledge. Beside taking care of my child, I kept on working as a journalist, managed a moms club, led the conversation on breastfeeding for a day of the course organised by Alternatal Foundation, and also worked as a breastfeeding adviser for an internet service. I have still performed these duties, and additionally, I gained the title IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) in 2003, hence I can look upon myself officially as a lactation consultant. As an editor of Kismama Magazin (Moms Magazine), I encounter questions concerning baby care, upbringing, breastfeeding daily. These, by their nature, must be given up-to-date answers. Telephone helpline is a a part of my everyday life: I receive calls from all over the country, even from abroad. At present, I am the lactation consultant at the obstetrics of Uzsoki Hospital. I feel that the factual knowledge gained during my studies, the information attained from families and mothers, and more than nineteen years of being a practicing parent helps a lot in my work.