Co-sleeping meets one of the principles of attachment parenting: the baby’s needs are respected, her requests and wishes are answered and reacted to. The baby makes claims to mom’s services any time during the day, twenty-four seven. Nights are no exception. You may be tired, but your little gorgeous, who demands milk every two hours, is able to scream as fresh as a daisy if he does not get what he wants. It is best to prevent the very first drops of tear. And this is true in every situation, even at night.
Co-sleeping can be a practical and convenient help to reach this goal. The advantages and benefits of bed-sharing have been discussed at great length. The mother can sleep more, since she does not have to keep getting up from the bed, not to mention other benefits that serve the baby. Nonetheless, the method has met harsh criticism as well.
Why do we feel, that co-sleeping is often a natural need for the whole family?
“How can the mother sleep enough, if she has to get up repeatedly at night to feed the baby? Is it normal for a baby to want to be fed and held this often?
During the 9 months in the womb the baby always got the necessary nourishment, and he was warmly protected by his mother’s body. There was no need to cry for food, transition between wakefulness and sleep was smooth. Bed sharing is meant to make transition from this ideal environment easier for the infant. He needs frequent breastfeeding just as much as the security of motherly embrace, both awake and asleep.
If parents keep the baby in the family bed, they can take care of their child the best way possible, the mother can feed her on demand, and at the same time, all three can get sufficient sleep. The topic was a tabu for a long time, but recently, more and more parents share their experience with others about co-sleeping with their babies and children.
Of course, co-sleeping is not the only way to fulfill your baby’s needs. There are other soothing night rituals, that some parents prefer. All that matters is that the family finds the most suitable solution.
The theory that babies are supposed to sleep alone is relatively new. Hundred years ago it was universally acknowledged that babies need human touch at night, too. A periodical form 1880, which was issued for parents, added under the heading ‘Baby': ‘During the first couple of weeks, the newborn’s satisfactory body temperature is generally maintained by co-sleeping with the mother.’
In fact, in several countries of the world cribs and cradles are unknown. Japanese mothers sleep on a wide mattress with their child, Indian mothers take infants to their own bed, African families sleep together in hammocks or on the bare ground. Similar sleeping habits have been in use in South-America, Asia, Australia and Alaska for millions of years. The baby’s longing for his mother does not pass when the light is off.
When parents desperately try to train their baby to sleep eight or more hours in one stretch, they often forget how immature a newborn is. They are at the mercy of their caregiver to stay alive, who they need even more at night than in daylight.” (Source: LLL Booklets, The Family Bed, No: 702, Hungarian edition: July 1998)
The entry in the La Leche Ligue booklet refers to the fact that the baby’s need for mom can be fulfilled not only with co-sleeping. Due to frequent, or even continuous bodily contact during the day, infants never feel abandoned. The best choice is a stretchy wrap after birth. Put your naked baby under your clothes, so her skin touches your skin. It keeps her warm or cool if necessary, stabilizes her heart rate, helps her breathing, not to mention how gently it fondles her soul.
Benefits of co-sleeping and skin-to-skin contact
It may save the baby’s life: stabilizes respiration, heart rate and body temperature.
Heals the baby’s soul and nourishes her: your child will know that she can count on you, you are there for her, when she is restless, her gum hurts or she is hungry.
There is no need to worry whether everything is all right, or the breathing sensor would switch on if there was a problem? Do you actually need a breathing sensor? You can be certain about your baby’s safety without various sensors, video cameras and further gadgets. Not to mention how much you save with co-cleeping.
It conveys the feeling of safety, hereby promoting deep, long stages of sleep. “Factors like parents’ respiration, bodily contact and parents’ movements during sleep ensure the perfect environment for staying alive.” (Source: LLL Booklets, The Family Bed, No: 702, Hungarian edition: July 1998)
It makes night feeding easier.
Parents can sleep more, since they do not need to get out of bed, going back to sleep is easier, the baby falls asleep again easier, too, because she does not have to be alert and cry to call her parents.
Restful sleep at night leads to more balanced, joyful daytime and less crying.
The huge drama and tantrums of terrible twos can be avoided almost entirely, if our child can always safely rely on us.
How can we make co-sleeping safe? Here are some ideas for you:
Place the babies crib next to your bed, and open one of its side. This way you practically sleep next to each other, but the forever kicking and turning does not disturb daddy, and the baby is safe as well. This is particularly true in case of snappy infants, who practice the art of crawling at night in their sleep.
You can buy mom-baby beds produced for this express purpose, that you can attach to your original bed.
Crib Bed Rail is designed to protect your toddler from rolling or falling out of bed. You can fix this rail to your own bed, so mom sleeps in the middle, and the baby on one side of the bed protected by her mother.
The baby can sleep in a cradle or carrying basket beside our bed. Although the principle of bodily contact does not apply, it is safe. This method is especially advisable when you are exhausted and there is a risk that you will sleep too deeply.
If you choose the classic type of co-sleeping, when the baby lies between mom and dad, remove every soft pillow from the area where the baby sleeps. It is advisable for the parents to sleep on a harder little pillow. Consider what type of blankets you will use. Put the baby into a sleeping bag, so that the baby cannot be entangled into the cover.
Do not smoke! Breathing out smoke at night is almost as dangerous, as if you lit a cigarette next to the baby. Both increases the risk of crib death.
Never co-sleep with your baby if you are under the influence of alcohol or any sort of medication that interfere with normal sleep pattern. The same applies to taking drugs. Any kind of drug (legal or not) alters the functioning of the brain, consequently, you will be unable to react quickly.
Likewise, if your little one sleeps in his own bed, pillows, plush toys, blankets should be removed. Infants do not need any cover until about the age of two, a sleeping bag perfectly serves the purpose. If your baby has no liking for sleeping bags for some reason, a blanket should be fine, but it is advised that you check repeatedly at night if your little one is still covered.
Your baby’s safety is on stake, so these principles should be taken very seriously. There are many debates about co-sleeping. I personally believe, that this is the best for the baby, of course, only if you can avoid every risk factor.
If co-sleeping is not convenient for the parents, or they are unable to get used to it, another solution should be found to make up for it. A very good alternative can be babywearing during the day.
Each child and each family is different. Similarly, there is no night revelry alike. There are funny situations. Do you carry your baby at home? Do you take her into your bed? Please, tell me, how nights go at your place. Who sleeps in whose bed, and where do your family wake up?
About The Author: Mariann Hornyak
Judit Ferenc
Judit Szody
Dudi Júlia Somlai
Szabó Anna Eszter
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