„I am hurrying home, waiting in a long line of cars at a red light. We are rolling a bit, then red light again. The journey seems like an eternity. My mind revolves only around her. Her soft hair, her delicate, scented skin. And those eyes, those smiley eyes! I am a little excited. Will she be happy to see me today? Maybe, I should buy something to her. I would like to spoil her with presents. She deserves anything. She is the most perfect being I have ever seen. Let’s go already! Finally! I am taking off my coat, and she is running into my arms. Beaming, she is showing to me how big a balloon mom blew her. She is pulling me by the arm to the armchair. I am sitting down. She is climbing onto my lap, curling up and looking up at my smiling. ‘Daddy’, she says quietly. I am hugging her tight, exchanging a wet look with my wife. Who said you can’t adore two women unquestioningly? You can. There is nothing more beautiful.”

Fatherly teaching, motherly hugs

These thoughts must be familiar to dads with daughters. Although, fathers who, all day, look forward to building high towers with their sons feel exactly the same. When the little guy first hugs his daddy, when he first asks to sit on his father’s lap, when they first „skrewdrive” the door of the kitchen cupboard, even the strongest man feels a flush warming his chest, like a mother softening to tears continually with surging hormones.

When attachment parenting is described, it is almost exclusively about the relationship between mother and child, it seems only their bond should be strengthened. However, a male role model is just as important for children as a female one. And fatherly teaching is as essential for them as motherly cuddle.

How does daddy get into the inner circle?

It is true that mothers play a bigger role in the infant’s life during the first year. Psychologists and experts advocating attachment parenting argue that it is important that the child forms a very strong relationship with a single person in the beginning, and this person should be ideally the mother. But not every case is ideal. So more correctly, the baby should have a stable, harmonious relationship with his primary caregiver. I always call this person the mother, because I think it is irrelevant if the grandmother, the stepmother or the father takes care of the child, he or she must provide the same care for the child that a biological mother would. The father usually has a supplementary role, but this role can be given to a stepparent or the grandfather as well. What is most important, the secondary care-giving adult should live in harmony with the primary caregiver. Therefore, the actual caregiver should step into the role of the mother or father.

During the first months, the baby needs mainly her mother, yet the father admires the little stranger with the same awe. He can help his partner in many ways. In the beginning, it is best to take his share in the household chores, besides he can engross any duty concerning the child to himself apart from breastfeeding, which is the only thing a father cannot provide. If the baby is fed with infant nutrition, he can choose feeding also as his favourite duty.

Continuous physical contact is a vital necessity for a newborn. He needs warmth and safety. For months, he fell asleep listening to his mother’s heartbeat. When he woke up he felt safe, hearing his mother’s and father’s familiar voice. His heart leaped with joy when he felt his mother caressing her belly, his little home. This is his only desire after the birth, too. Because birth did not change him. Far from it. It is a traumatic experience for the baby, no matter how nice it was for the mother. How can you make your little one feel as safe as inside? You always need to press his tiny ear to your heart. He can fall asleep with your heartbeat, and wake up with your scent.

Let the father experience the feeling when his child’s breath deepens and her arms slowly go limp. Then the little wander, who has been created from the two of you, falls into a deep sleep. A perfect fusion of your love.

However, It is very difficult to provide our baby with this experience without help. A carrier can be an excellent partner to fulfill this task.

Daddy, carry me

Liliputi stretchy wrap

However, the sexiest sight according to a lot of moms is a babywearing daddy. The tenderness a strong man shows toward a tiny, delicate baby makes every mother’s heart lift. Enumerating the further advantages is probably not necessary

If you have more children, a pair of strong shoulders comes exceptionally handy. He can carry the older ones, while you put your newborn in a sling.

But how should you chose a carrier that is suitable for your partner, too? That is convenient and useful for both of you? It depends on many little details. Not to mention that safe babywearing is a huge responsibility.

It is of utmost importance to ask for professional advice, when buying a carrier. On the one hand, there are a lot of products on the market that are unsafe, or at least not advised. On the other hand, finding the ideal carrier is not as simple as you would imagine.

Liliputi soft baby carrier

Share this fabulous feeling with the father, as well. Let him learn about attachment parenting, so that they live through every minute of their child’s upbringing.

Can you imagine your partner carrying your baby? What does an ideal guy carrier look like? Do all men hate colourful, patterned garments? I am very curious about your opinion. Please, share it with me.

1 comment

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Anne Karina (9 years ago)

…is a must-read for all daddies!!!

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About The Author: Mariann Hornyak

Mariann Hornyák is mother of Ben and wife to Endre. She lives in the East Midlands in the UK but her babywearing journey started in Hungary, when the little boy was born in 2012. She discovered ways of carrying babies when she worked in Africa in 2010. The simplicity and the way how the children are involved with everything around the family amazed her and she was certain this is how naturally she wants to bond with her own baby. She learnt about slings from babywearing friends who all recommended the Liliputi stretchy wrap as a first wrap with a new baby. This is how Mariann has fallen in love with the Liliputi style. She has explored a little bit further and she tried and used about houndred different baby slings and carriers in the past few years. She has great connection with several wrap manufacturers and carrier makers so she can share information, updates and news from first hand. Mariann launched her own business in April 2013 after realizing that she almost works full time as a volunteer babywearing consultant, however, she completed the course of Babywearing Consultant by Slingababy and also accredited to level 3 by School of Babywearing. Beside running the Baby in Sling Babywearing Consultancy, Mariann writes articles in Hungarian and in English to help mothers find their inner voice, to show parents more options and to give them tools to parent in the way how they really want. She facilitates an attachment parenting group with regular meetings and events, the group is affiliated with the Attachment Parenting UK and has about 170 members. In her previous life Mariann worked for the Food and Agriculture Organisation of the United Nations and also had experience in the for-profit sector. She is educated to Master Degree level, her first degree is International Relation, Foreign Affairs and Security Policy, her MSc is International Economics. She started to prepare for her PhD in Counter Terrorism when she got sidetracked by her new baby. Ben is now 2 years old and he really wants to go to nursery. His chosen place is on a farm in the middle of a forest, so this might mean that Mariann will return to work full time. But she will always remain an author, a writer and a sling consultant for anyone who needs reassurance and some support.